An Open Letter to the Pretentious Ass Clown I Spotted on the Washington Metro

There is nothing wrong with being a peacock. I like to let my freak flag fly as high as possible with loud sports jackets and skinny knit ties. A little bit of eccentricity never hurt anyone - I like to clump around in a pair of Doc Martens when I'm wearing a suit.

You were really well turned out. The striped shirt you wore with the grey suit, really made your ensemble "pop", and your necktie (from Brooks Brothers) really "tied the ensemble together", to paraphrase the Dude. The shoes made you look rather dapper, and were buffed, polished, and shined to perfection.

However, your choice of accessory struck me as profoundly silly. You were strutting around with a cane. Why do I think that particular touch was so stupid? Well, your nice striped shirt had a button down collar. It undermined everything you were striving for. Button down collars scream casual, and it undermined all the values you were trying to emulate. An elegant dandy? I think not, my friend. Your little sartorial display marks you as an expensively dressed tool.