It's like that twenty something slacker kid who still lives in his parent's basement...

The Simpsons Movie. Directed by David Silverman. Starring Dan Castellaneta, Julie Kavner, Nancy Cartwright, Yeardley Smith,Harry Shearer, and Hank Azaria.

Unlike the last six or seven seasons of the television series, The Simpsons Movie was really funny. It slowed down a little bit in the second act. If Homer got hit on the head more, it would have helped pick things up a bit.

Still, something didn't seem right. I was laughing, but I never laughed as hard as I did during that first season of The Simpsons. The Simpsons Movie, as funny as it is, lacks that gleeful comic nihilism of that first season. Homer choking Bart isn't as funny when you know Homer is basically a decent person.

How I learned to Stop Worrying, Read Fewer Books, And Watch More TV

Ideas in general are very tiresome. Having opinions while I was in college was interesting for a little while, but I found as I got older they became very cumbersome. I prefer portable, simple beliefs that don't take up a lot of room. Don't steal, don't lie, and never wear a clip on tie, cover almost every possible ethical situation you might encounter in life.

While I was pursuing my bachelors degree, like most people my age, I would read books to justify and expand on my collection of unwarranted assumptions. I haven't been able to escape this trap entirely, as I still read books and magazines that confirm my particular biases.

However, I am now always on the lookout to find information in my reading material that will help me jettison any silly notions that I may have picked up, or to rid myself of doctrines I haven't questioned.

I think that is why I liked The Black Swan: The Impact of the Highly Improbable and Fooled By Randomness by Nassim Nicholas Taleb. If you find yourself vexed by a lot of unwanted beliefs and ideas, I suggest you give either one of his books a try. Nassim Nicholas Taleb will show you the way to a more enlightened, skeptical approach to life.

Bethesda, MD: The Promised Land?

James likes to call it the People's Republic of Maryland, but going to work this morning, I saw a different side of Maryland. Smiling young men were selling copies of the newspaper for a dime outside the station. Sure, it was The Washington Times, the only newspaper that sucks more than The Washington Post, but it was such a thoughtful gesture. I stopped at a Starbucks for a decaf coffee, and had to use the restroom. It was clean, and there was a bouquet of flowers on the toilet tank. I had to check the sign on the door twice. It really was the men's room. Could Bethesda, Maryland really be the promised land, a surburb full of green pastures, and cold spring water?

Someone Is Going To Catch Hell At The Barracks...

On a previous visit to Washington, D.C., my view of the Marine Corps Sunset Parade by the Iwo Jima Memorial in Arlington, Virginia, was obstructed by the crowds gathered to watch the spectacle.

My sweetie pie had never seen it, so I thought it would be nice to watch it with her. I really enjoyed reading Jarhead and Making The Corps, so this is probably as close as I'll ever get to observing marines in their natural habitat.

The highlight of The Drum and Bugle Corp performance was a medley of songs from the James Bond films. The selections were a nice mix of standards and numbers you wouldn't expect the Marines to be performing. The versatility of the band was impressive.

One of the Silent Drill Team members lost his hat during their performance. I think it might have been knocked askew by one of the rifles. I saw it rise over the top of his head and fall to the ground.

The marine didn't even blink. The drill continued, and the hat was trampled as the marines marched across the field. After they had done their drill, they lined up and faced the audience. The NCO in charge of the marines picked up the hat, walked down the line, and placed it firmly on the head of the marine who lost it.

Somebody is going to be doing a lot of push-ups back at the barracks tonight...

The Phantom of the Opera at the John F. Kennedy Center For The Performing Arts

The bronze JFK Bust by Robert Berks at the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts looks like it was sculpted out of cottage cheese. My sweetie pie suggested it looked like the artist had used something else, but I like JFK, so I'd rather not think of the alternative medium she suggested.

We'd gone to the center with our friends, Nic and Nesrin, to see a performance of The Phantom of the Opera. It's the first time I'd ever seen a musical performed. While the story was relatively easy to follow, I wish I'd read a synopsis of the musical beforehand so I could have followed it a little better.

The big musical numbers were the best. The chorus girls were very leggy, and the elaborate sets were a pleasure to look at. I had no idea the special effects for a live musical could be that good.

I'd like to thank my sweetie pie for the linen tie. Rep ties are great for job interviews, but the linen tie has a nice, relaxed look that seemed appropriate for the occasion. I love you!

Ex/posing the DECEPTI[neo]CON[servative] Agenda: Toward a Post-Modern Interpretation of Michael Bay's Transformers

The Transformers. Directed by Michael Bay. Starring Shia LeBeouf, Josh Duhamel, and Megan Fox.

Some neo-liberal pundits are no doubt threatened by the challenge posed to heteronormative behavior in Michael Bay's Transformers. The polyamorous nature of the spiritual-physical-emotional triad formed by Bumblebee, Sam Witwicky, and Mikaela Banes no doubt threatens the values of a red state AmeriKKKa content to label such transgressive relationships as a "menage a trois", rather than recognizing it as a legitimate form of resistance to the patriarchal domination of societal discourse.

"There is a special bond between man and machine," observes the used car salesman, Bobby Bolivia, an obviously coded reference to the use of vibrators amongst jaded heterosexual couples. With a wink and a nod, the car "dealer" acknowledges the difficulty of expressing one's individual sexuality under the ChimpyMcHalliburtonBushitler regime. One is left to imagine what other suppressed pleasures "Bolivia" would like to dabble in if only "the man" would get off his back.

The scene where the Autobots peep through the window as Mikaela and Sam search for his missing "eyeglasses" is an elaborate analogical mirror, a commentary on the oppresiveness of life under the scrutiny of the fascist police state in this age of the so called "Patriot-Act". Who watches the watchmen, the watcher or the watchee, the watcheree or the watchered? It's an unanswerable dramaturgical dyad, as Mikaela and Sam attempt to come to terms with their politico-sexual awakening under the hostile gaze of big brother.

Bumblebee's incarceration is an eloquent protest against the unauthorized and criminal detention of Afghani and Iraqi freedom fighters in gulags like Guantanamo Bay. Bumblebee is punished by the Christard Right Wing Death Squads for the flaunting of his polymorphous sexual expression. He unleashes a "golden shower" in an attempt to engage Agent Simmons in a dialogue on the outdated, puritanical, neo-Victorian "morality" of the bourgeois hegemony.

The oppressiveness of the bourgeois hegemony crumbles under the assault of the DECEPTI[neo]CON[servative]S as the middle class, represented by Agent Simmons, is forced to work with the proleteriat, symbolized by the Autobots, against the corrupt ruling class, embodied by the DECEPTI[neo]CON[servative]S. The climactic third act of the film is an obvious allegory for the combined might of a unified proletariat working in tandem with a middle class radicalized and reeducated by their working class brethern to create a utopian, socialist paradise where workers can control the means of RE/production.

Not since the elaborate anal sex metaphor (see K.Mathieu, "A Small ThermA[NA]L Exhaust Port? The Homoerotic Imagination of George Lucas", Journale Du Filme) contained within Star Wars has an American film maker shown such audacity when speaking truth to power. Star Wars was made during the relative relaxation of the chokehold the military-industrial complex had on freedom of expression in AmeriKKKa during the benevolent despotism of President "Jimmy" Carter.

Transformers follows in the footsteps of the dissident film making tradition that was pioneered by independent film director George Lucas. That such a film was made during the reign of the Reagan-Bush-Quayle-Clinton-Gore-Bush/Gore-Cheney Junta (nobody was fooled by Bush/Gore's collaborating to steal the election from Nader) is nothing short of a monument to the bravery of director Michael Bay.

Playboy: The Girls Next Door

Life is too short for guilty pleasures. I figure I might as well enjoy them and spare myself the self flagellation. One thing that does come close to being a guilty pleasure would be the television show, Playboy: The Girls Next Door.

I'm not too sure what to make of it. When I first started watching the show I couldn't believe how vacuous Hefner's girlfriends are. It was like watching a trainwreck. I was simultaneously drawn and repulsed by the whole spectacle.

I've been watching it long enough to know that I genuinely like the program, although I would be at a loss to explain why I enjoy it. Despite the fact that Bridget is working on her Masters Degree, Holly looks like she is the smartest of the bunch. I suspect she wants to be the third Mrs. Hefner, which either makes her very naive or calculating.

The one thing I don't understand is Hefner's rather bland taste in food. The man subsists entirely on a diet of fried chicken, sandwiches, and Pepsi. If I had that much money I'd be having my chefs prepare dolphins filets served on a bed of orchids harvested from the Brazilian rain forest.

Walkin' On The Sun

It was hot this weekend, so being able to get out of the city was nice. There is nothing better than sitting on a deck next to my sweetie pie in the warm summer sun while steaks are being grilled on a barbecue.

One thing I hadn't counted on seeing in New Jersey was a rodeo. There is a place called Cowtown just outside of Woodstown where the Waterman's live. I'm an afficianado of The Sopranos and I thought that rodeos were like kryptonite to the likes of Vincent Spatafore or Johnny Sack. I got my first taste of funnell cake, which is like a messy doughnut coated in powdered sugar.

While they are tasty, it's no wonder Vito had to go on a diet.

I also got to see flora and fauna I'd never seen before. Lightning bugs and humming birds to be exact. Lisa loves lightning bugs, while I've always been a cicada man myself. That chirping is like music to my ears in the summer time. I'd read about them in books, and I might have seen humming birds in a zoo once or twice, but I'd never seen them in the wild.

Sunday afternoon we went to visit Lisa's Uncle Paul and Aunt Debbie. Their townhouse was amazing. I've never seen a townhouse that large, and the decor was what you'd expect for a couple with no children.

That is, it was very nice and in pristine condition.

The meal was fantastic. While my sister is a good cook, she is a Waterman now, so I have to concede that the Raiti family eats better at their family gatherings than the Guppy family does.

However, since my wife is a Guppy now, and she is an excellent cook, our family will be a lot more competitive when we get around to hosting our own family dinners.

Off to New Jersey

Tomorrow I'll be going to visit southern New Jersey with my beautiful wife. We'll be visiting my sister, nephew, and in-laws. I'd like to see more of northern New Jersey (Sopranos country) but from what I can tell it isn't as scenic as southern New Jersey, which is every bit as beautiful as southern Ontario.

Outlook: Clunky But It Has Possibilities

That iPod I purchased is very useful. I used it to back up all my documents, e-mail, and photos tonight. I set up Outlook on my wife's laptop to check my pop mail account. I'm so so on the interface. It isn't as elegant as the program I was using to check my e-mail on my iBook. However, I like the fact that everything I need to do business - address book, e-mail, calendar, notes, and contacts - is available in one spot. Getting a cheaper, smaller noteboook is getting more tempting, even if it only runs Windows.

The iBook Is Toast

Apple makes wonderful computers that are built like tanks. My laptop ate a disk and wouldn't give it back. Being the curious little geek that I am I popped open the keyboard to see what if there was anything I could do.

Big mistake.

While iBooks are pretty solid pieces of machinery, the keyboards they come with aren't. Now, not only is my hard drive jammed, but my keyboard is ruined.

It looks like I'll be buying myself a little notebook sized computer sooner than I thought.

Put Out More Flags

Baja Fresh was open on Independence Day, so Lisa and I had burritos, tacos, and nachos before we walked over to the Iwo Jima memorial near Arlington Cemetery. I wanted to show Lisa the cemetery before the fireworks started, but it had been closed off. We had a great view of the National Mall, and we could see the Washington Monument as the fireworks went off around it. The fireworks were very impressive - red, white, and blue with some stars thrown in for good measure.

I want this to be the first of many happy Independence Day celebrations with you, sweetie pie!

Who Loves the Kwik-E-Mart? I doooooooooooo...

Lisa and I drove up to the 7-11 done up as a Kwik-E-Mart this afternoon. The outside of the store was really cool. The inside of the store had some merchandising and signage related to The Simpsons and the clerks were all wearing Kwik-E-Mart uniforms. It basically looked like a 7-11, but it was full of people like a department store during Christmas.

The Yuppie Pricks, Stock Market EP

The Yuppie Pricks were briefly featured in some anti-Bush documentary made a few years ago and at the time I thought the band's concept was cool. I believe they are a bunch of lawyers and accountants who like to play punk rock on the weekends. They wear these nifty eighties tennis clothes - the short shorts, sweat bands, and polo shirts when they perform.

A cool concept doesn't mean anything if the music sucks. I heard them play on XM recently and it was solid so I purchased their Stock Market EP on iTunes. While it was a little short (just under nine minutes) it is really good straight forward punk rock. "Donkey Show" and "Paycheck" are pretty standard cuts, but "Stock Market" and "F**k You, I'm Rich" are as good as anything The Dead Kennedy's have ever done.

Update: It looks like The Yuppie Pricks have their own website and a Wikipedia article.

Kwik-E-Mart Located on the Other Side of the State Line

Courtesy of the DCist, news of the DC area 7-11 done to look like a Kwik-E-Mart from The Simpsons:

You might remember hearing the news, back in March, that the folks marketing The Simpsons Movie would be remaking some 7-11s across the country in the image of Apu Nahasapeemapetilan's beloved Kwik-E-Mart. As Simpsons devotees, we were pretty excited.

Well, the D.C. area is among the lucky metropolises selected — but, to our dismay, the Associated Press (via NBC4) tells us that the lucky 7-11 is in Bladensburg, Md. Of course Bladensburg isn't all that far from the city. Still, surely the nation's capital deserves something a bit more Metro-accessible.

This is so freaking cool. To hell with the Smithsonian Museum - I know where I want to go with my sweetie pie the next time we go sight seeing.

Hired Goon Centers Based Out of India?

Live Free or Die Hard. Directed by Len Wiseman. Starring Bruce Willis, Justin Long, and Tim Olyphant.

Live Free or Die Hard is a great example of "Get Your Monkey Up A Tree" film making. You chase your monkey up a tree, you throw rocks at your monkey, and then you get your monkey out of the tree. As rocks go, I thought the scene with the F-35 was a little bit over the top, but to each his own.

Tim Olyphant as a schizophrenic American patriot was a novel criminal mastermind. In the other Die Hard films, the bad guys were exotic foreigners. Using French mercenaries as the hired muscle in the current installment of the franchise was a nice touch.

The French henchmen and the geeky Asian ninja babe managed to generate a little bit of suspense about the identity of the villain and the nature of the threat during the first act. It was also a very sly joke about the outsourcing of American labor overseas. I guess "hired goons" are on the list of jobs Americans would rather not do anymore.

WFA Turgeon School

Facebook is a really cool application. It's allowed me to get in touch with people I'd never heard from in years. People who went to WFA Turgeon School. Now there are some who would tell you that Prince Albert, Saskatchewan is not a happening place. However, it is a locale many progressive minded Americans would be proud to call home, if they could handle the arctic winters.

How cool is it? I went to the aforementioned WFA Turgeon School, an elementary school run by the Catholic Church. This is the video that they showed us as part of the schools comprehensive sex education program:



What's so progressive and edgy about a creepy man with ukulele singing about vaginas you ask? Well, the producers of this video obviously learned a few tricks from this cult film.