Crafty Bastards

Lisa and I went to the Crafty Bastards! Arts and Crafts Fair in Adams Morgan this afternoon. When my parents dragged me to arts and crafts fairs, there was always lots of macrame, needlepoint, and the occasional sock monkey.

Crafty Bastards was a lot more fun. There were no wrinkled grannys in stirrup pants and oversized turtlenecks manning the booths, just lots of attractive young people with tattoos and lots of rings in their faces on both sides of the cash register.

The fair actually had stuff I wanted to buy. I picked up a little something for Lisa, and found something cool for myself. I feel like a tool for not getting my comic books signed, but I guess there is always next year.

We stopped by Kramer Books for Sunday afternoon pastries and coffee. After getting a taste of the key lime pie, I can't wait to find out what their Sunday brunch is like.

Hockey: Way of the Samurai

At hockey practice this morning they brought out...the cones. I felt like I was six again, but it was a lot of fun doing the drills. I really like the emphasis on teamwork in hockey. So far it's been a more positive experience than playing basketball.

I played basketball with some of the other foreign teachers in Japan, and I found the first few times out with the guys disappointing. There were too many guys on the team pretending they were Michael Jordan, trying to relive their high school glory days.

Sometimes I'd watch the kids practice basketball in Japan. It was impressive, because they did all those drills with minimal adult supervision. Hockey players have a similar DIY ethic, which makes playing the game and attending practice so rewarding.

Nasty, Poor, Brutish & Short

A famous trial lawyer dropped by our office today. I think John Grisham based one of his stories on a case he handled, but the title of the novel eludes me. Mr. X was very gregarious and outgoing, and I can see why juries would be swayed by his arguments.

Last year I'd applied at an office run by a criminal defense lawyer, who was "world famous all over Canada" to paraphrase Mordecai Richler. I'd done some research, and had learned from his website that he had litigated a record number of homicide cases. When his office called and asked for a copy of my transcript, I was thrilled.

Later, when I was talking to some former co-workers at the law library I worked at, I learned he had managed to lose a record number of homicide cases. After looking up some of the precedents he was proud of setting in the case reporters, I didn't feel so bad when his office didn't call me to set up an interview.

Men's Health: The Maple Leaf Connection?

When I was in college I would fill cheap duo-tangs with profound verses like the following, from "The Emperor of Ice Cream", by Wallace Stevens:

Call the roller of big cigars,
The muscular one, and bid him whip
In kitchen cups concupiscent curds.
Let the wenches dawdle in such dress
As they are used to wear, and let the boys
Bring flowers in last month's newspapers.
Let be be finale of seem.
The only emperor is the emperor of ice-cream.

My eyes glazed over while I typed that. That sort of thing never got me laid. I know why I drank in college - I was bored out of my skull. Drinking never got me in anyone's pants either. I 'm also one of those asshats who believed that communism was a good idea, at least in theory.

Now, I like to clip things from Men's Health:

Q: I'm sick of almonds, what other nuts have health benefits?
If you mean ticker-specific benefits, try hazelnuts, pistachios, and pecans. They contain at least 3 grams (g) of fiber and 7 g monounsaturated fat, the same artery-clearing combo found in almonds. Walnuts are lower in fiber and monounsaturated fat, but high in omega-3 fatty acids. "Those four are interchangeable in their ability to keep your heart healthy, so mix them up," says Dawn Jackson Blatner, R.D. To reap the rewards without gaining weight, eat a handful of one type daily, plus two Brazil nuts for cancer protection.

I've got a nice Moleskin notebook that I keep the clippings in. It beats copying them with a bic pen.

One weird thing I noticed about Men's Health was the number of Canadian studies that they cited. Maybe it was just Canadian content month, but on page 50, 52, and 62 they cite some sort of research done by Canucks, more than any other nation except the U.S.A. Is Men's Health outsourcing its writing to the land of Maple Syrup?

I Just Want My Pants Back, by David J. Rosen.

Chick lit is surprisingly good. I've thoroughly enjoyed Lost Girls and Love Hotels by Catherine Hanrahan, Diary of a Manhattan Call Girl and Diary of a Married Call Girl by Tracy Quan, and Waking Beauty by Elyse Friedman.

Friedman might bristle at the thought of being lumped into the chick lit category, but what all three books have in common is the fact that they are clever, funny and short. In the recent past, High Fidelity is the closest a male author has come to producing a novel similar to what these women have written.

David J. Rosen, author of I Just Want My Pants Back has snatched away that particular laurel from Nick Hornby. It's a first novel, and while it does suffer from a weak ending, it's an otherwise well crafted piece of work.

The protagonist, David J. Rosen, I mean Jason Strider is a recent graduate looking for love and a meaningful job in New York City. By the end of the novel Strider has found the latter, but not the former.

Along the way Jason smokes a lot of pot, hooks up with random girls, and tries to get his pants back from a one night stand that turned into a temporary fuck buddy. While Jason's highs and lows are always interesting, the fact that he finds a job with no discernible effort and doesn't at least settle into a conventional relationship with Jennifer was a little disappointing.

Rosen is excellent at piling up the comic misfortunes that happen to his hero, but isn't quite so good at getting Strider out of them convincingly. When Jason lit up a joint at the end of the novel it was disappointing - it was as if he had learned nothing. Quan is another good writer who wants to let her characters have their cake and eat to, if I may be forgiven for using such a cliched figure of speech. Maybe it's a New York thing.

Some of the high points of the novel are Rosen's grasp of young, urbane, hiptser's lifestyle. Rosen uses Jason's iPod as a barometer of his shifting mood as he navigates the concrete jungle. Russell Smith is the only other writer I can think of who is that good at capturing the current zeitgeist.

Rosen also picks up some points for writing the funniest sex scenes this side of David Gilmour. Readers of this review can find the dirty bits on their own, but here is how one scene starts:

I slowly slipped her underwear over her hips and down her legs. Aah, Tina was wrong, the field was quite well manicured, my fears of kibbutz-level grooming unwarranted. This girl was fucking sexy, I could prove it in a court of law. I wanted to play Moses to her Red Sea. I wanted to be afikoman to her hiding place. I wanted her to speak Farsi and I would be in the Mossad..."

It's a little kinky at times, but it's neither embarrassing for the reader or writer, nor is it written in such a way that it,uhm, distracts the reader from the novel.

Earlier in my review, I'd expressed disappointment with the fact that Jason found a career path but not love interest. However, I enjoyed this novel so much I believe I could be mollified if Rosen wrote a sequel where that particular problem is solved. Regardless of whether he revisits Jason Strider or not, I'll be keeping an eye out for Rosen's next novel.

Weeds, Season 3, Episode 7, "He Taught Me How to Drive By".

The gangster storyline has been a middling success. Watching suburbanite Nancy mingle with hoods is interesting, but it has been paying out diminishing returns lately. With the funeral of U-Turn, and Marvin's short tenure as the Kingpin of crime, it looks like this particular narrative strand has run it's course.

Shane's Christian summer school experience, is a lot like a Saturday Night Live skit. It was genuinely funny the first time, but has gotten progressively less funny over the last few episodes. Little kids getting beat up in the schoolyard, much like abortion, is a comedy buzzkill.

Whoever cast Lexington Steele as the male star on the porn set that Andy was catering deserves a big fat raise. It was nice to see anyone but Ron Jeremy make a cameo apperance in that particular role.

Keeping Tara in the background is a smart move. With Majestic and Shane's summer school, the show is looking a like it has a one track mind when it comes religious faith. I'm a secular progressive myself, but I don't feel so oppressed that I need to watch Christians get made fun of for an entire thirty minutes.

This was a good episode, but with the death of U-Turn, and the disappearance of the gangsters, it looks like the show's plot threads might be getting narrower in scope. When the gangsters were funny it was because of the fish out of water theme, and I'm not so sure that the Holy Rollers will generate the same comic frisson.

Sunday Morning Hike

Lisa loves to go hiking, and she signed us up for a nine mile hike along Rock Creek Parkway. I'd been hiking a couple of times in South Korea. Our guide had climbed Mount Everest, and every time we took a break, he'd chain smoke two or three cigarettes. Towards the end, it was more like a forced death march rather than a fun walk through the mountains.

Hiking in DC is much more entertaining. It's not just a lot of tedious boring nature, although I've fallen in love with the landscape here, and don't mind forests so much when there is a well groomed trail to walk on. There are lot of interesting old houses to see in the neighborhoods that are adjacent to the parks.

We started near Adams Morgan, and Lisa says we walked through Rock Creek Park, Montrose Park, and Dumbarton Oaks Park. We finished on the edge of Georgetown, and broke off from the group so we could have have lunch at Five Guys Burgers and Fries.

Street Hockey, $$$

There was a practice for my team this morning, and we were talking about mouth guards. One of my team mates started wearing one after he saw a guy lose some teeth during a game. It's time to think about purchasing a mouth guard and some gloves after cutting my finger this morning.

I really like playing street hockey, but for a stripped down version of ice hockey, it's still really expensive. In order to play basketball, all I had to do was pay $120 for sneakers. For street hockey, I thought $55 for the rink time, $25 for my stick, and $3 for tape, was a good deal.

Since then I've paid $20 for shin guards, another $15 for knee pads, and $30 for my cup and boxers to hold it in place. Since it's hot, and I don't want to wear a long sleeved jersey in this humidity, another $8 was spent on a yellow t-shirt.

Of course these are all sunk costs, and it's money well spent. However, if people wonder why the game isn't catching on, I'd suggest finding a way to reduce costs for casual players.

Weeds, Season 3, Episode 6, "Grasshopper".

The Soprano's really looms large in popular culture. I told my wife about the surprise ending on Weeds tonight. U-Turn was suffocated by Marvin while Nancy was looking for help. My wife said, "You mean he administered Tony Soprano CPR to him?"

I was starting to warm up to U-Turn, and I was a little puzzled by his sudden death. Maybe it was U-Turn's self improvement streak that made him more likeable. A lot of thugs look and act tough, but after seeing Christopher on The Soprano's do bicep curls with 5lb weights, it was impressive seeing U-Turn working on his shoulders with what looked like 35 lb or 45 lb weights.

While I'm on the subject of physical fitness, what's up with Sullivan working out with those flexi hand grip thingys? I can't believe anyone would believe there is any benefit to using those things. I know he's supposed to be a hyperkinetic businessman, but a treadmill would have been a better prop than those dumb things.

The episode seemed to suggest that U-Turn and Sullivan were going to be used as foils to show how corporate America was all that different from criminal America. Sullivan and U-Turn had take Nancy under their respective wings, and under their tutelage, I can only assume she would have learned that the only diffence between the two was the length of their hair. On second thought, maybe it's not such a bad thing U-Turn bit the dust. Using U-Turn as foil for Sullivan's character might have gotten a little sanctimonious.

As for Mary-Kate Olsen's debut, the less said the better. She looks like a skanky, anorexic muppet. I do like Tara (Mary-Kate Olsen's character) better than the deaf girl, Megan. Megan's abortion was a real buzzkill, and not something you really want in a sitcom episode. This is a program about suburban pot dealers. If I want profound, I'll watch, uhm, Battlestar Galactica. Keep it light guys!

Puck to the Head

Playing street hockey outside in 71 degrees is better than 91 degrees. It was a lot easier to stay on my man this week. I'm supposed to be playing left wing, but I think they really want me to play goon. Stick, man, ball. That's all I have to remember right now. Keep his stick down, get in his space if I have to, and then worry about the ball. I lost track of things momentarily when I got hit in the head with the ball, but I believe the Storm (my team) won 5-4.

A Manitoba Canuck In King Arthur's Court

Renaissance fairs are American as apple pie. I've seen them parodied on The Simpsons, Family Guy, and King of the Hill, and those programs are nothing if not sociologically accurate.

It was my sweetheart's birthday and she wanted to go to the Maryland Renaissance Festival, which is just outside of Anapolis, Maryland. I've never seen so much cleavage or so many tramp stamps on display in my life. Most of the female staff were popping out of their costumes, and quite a few of the visitors were eager to embrace the breast baring renaissance ethic as well.

Food was foremost on our mind when we arrived there. I was a little worried that there would be nothing to eat except those giant turkey wings, but it was possible to get anything you could find at a foodcourt mall. We looked at the shops, but the markups were pretty high, and Lisa summed it up nicely when she said, "This is the kind of jewellery I used to wear in high school."

The jousting tournament was a lot like sumo wrestling. It's fun, not unlike watching martians, but if you blink you'll miss everything. One knight was knocked off his horse. It looked painful, but adds to the enjoyment of the whole spectacle.

The shows were fun. The Chainsaw Juggler, David Van Derveer, didn't spend a lot of time juggling chainsaws, but he could juggle a chainsaw, so there was some truth in advertising. Hack & Slash were a pair of standup comedians who have a good routine. On the way out we stopped and watched the the Aerial Angels, a group of women in tights perform acrobatics.

I thought it was odd that all three acts incorporated bullwhips into their routines. The first time I saw a bullwhip being used it was funny; the next time it was okay, and the third time was downright creepy.

There is a funny moment in Lucky Jim, by Kingsley Amis, when the protagonist realizes he can't figure out why people would study the most backward period in the history of man. I'd concur with his assessment and I've always found it odd that new age types are drawn to this sort of thing like moths to a candle. Those knights were jousting for Jeebus, not Jove.

The props, costumes, and the set might be borrowed from the old world, but the attitude is all American. Shopping, fast food, blood sports, cleavage, and stand up comedy stage shows - what could be more red, white, and blue than that?

Forever 27

Happy birthday sweetie! Time flies by so quickly, but my love for you is timeless.

Skeets!

Booster Gold, "52 Pick Up, Chapter 2: Leggo My Ego". Written by Geoff Johns & Jeff Katz, layouts by Dan Jurgens, and finishes by Norm Rapmund.

Skeets has never looked worse. In the old series, an early criticism of Skeets was that he looked like a flying egg. Now he looks like a frying pan. I preferred the design they were using for Skeets on 52.

It's a minor quibble. I'm not sure where Dan Jurgens ends and Norm Rapmund begin, but I really like the draughtmanship on the series. The line work is clean and straightforward, and it's not unlike Carmine Infanito's work on the silver age Flash.

Silver age influences can also be seen in the plot. Rather than beat the tar out of Sinestro, Booster defeats the renegade Green Lantern using his wits. It was a pretty simple ploy, and not a terribly complicated twist, but it's another reason to pick up the next issue.

Booster Gold is not unlike another series that had a similar silver age vibe, The Watchmen. However, As much as I enjoyed The Watchmen - apart from that unbelievably stupid ending - in some ways it's been as big a creative disaster as it was a success. On a month to month basis, comic book creators forget that even if you are Alan Moore, you can only occasionally acheive greatness when writing about men who like to wear long underwear.

When you are doing a monthly title, it's better to take a page from the silver age playbook, and try to be consistently good. It's exactly what Johns, Katz, Jurgens and Rapmund seem to be aiming for, and have successfully pulled off for the first two issues. With enough issues, they'll have a run every bit as memorable as any creative team from the silver age.

Weeds, Season 3, Episode 5, "Bill Sussman".

The satire on Weeds is getting broader, and it's making the show a lot funnier. It's getting harder to predict who the show will take potshots at next. Subarbinites make easy targets, but the cheerful insouciance with which Doug dispatches the environmentalist, well, that's hard to pull off. "Moment of silence for the dirt shrew. The motion is passed." It punctuates a relatively short scene brilliantly.

Andy's stint in the army ended predictably enough, with an honorable discharge, but there were several nice turns of the screw along the way. In it's first season, Weeds wouldn't have strayed far from the predictable formula of mocking the Jack D. Ripper type in the military.

However, in the third season, Weeds isn't afraid to step out and poke fun at some of the conservative attitudes that some members of the rainbow coalition have, but are rarely acknowledged. Sanjay's parents are having a tough time accepting his homosexuality. Making Andy the butt of their homphobic attitudes was a nice touch. I haven't seen sub-titles used so effectively since Annie Hall.

It's nice to see the writers using such a broad brush, and it helps make the final punchline - the office where Andy meets with the military men turns out to be surrounded by special operations men - that much more funnier.

I've enjoyed the show since it started, but it's remarkable how much it has improved in the third season. Satire is tough to pull off. With a few exceptions, such as Curb Your Enthusiasm, it is rarely laugh out loud funny. It's nice to see that Weeds is breaking away from it's benign smirking, and is trying to mine a potentially darker, but much more rich, comedic vein that will provoke real laughter in the viewer.

Hockey Night In Alexandria!

The first game was great, but I don't really remember much. It was hot, and I was sweating ten minutes into the game. I never sweat, even when I'm lifting weights, and at this point I've pretty much mastered my body weight. I was dizzy and exhausted for most of it, but forty five minutes has never gone by so quickly. I can't wait for next week!

War.

War. Directed by Philip G. Atwell. Starring Jason Statham and Jet Li.

There are many watershed films in the history of cinema: Animal House, Return of the Living Dead, The Big Lebowski, and Crank. Unfortunately, War, starring Jason Statham and Jet Li, doesn't make the cut. It's a good film - in fact it's every bit as enjoyable as The Transporter. However, like The Transporter, I suspect the sequel to War will surpass the original.

The plot is an interesting blend of buddy looking to avenge his partner's death, and the mysterious stranger playing two groups of criminal families off each other. The action sequences won't disappoint fans of the genre, but nothing really stands out.

There is a lot of bared boobies and bottoms in the first half of the film, which is always nice, but seemed a perfunctory at times. I was impressed with The Transporter II because it had the bare minimum of Tn'A, but managed to get more mileage out of it, and did it with such unrestrained glee.

Despite these quibbles, it's hard not to be taken in by the entrepreneurial enthusiasm brought to these pseudo Hong Kong action flicks. Sure, the plots are a little thin at times, but no more so than your average "American" style action flick.

War is a "small" scale production at it's finest - everybody involved gives a 110% to deliver the best possible product imaginable. It may not be in the same league as Citizen Kane, but few films are. I'd rather be entertained than be put to sleep.

Weeds, Season 3, Episode 4, "Shit Highway"

Weeds has the most smug theme song ever. It sums up the shows ethic quite nicely. I think thats why I like Doug, the accountant, that Kevin Nealon plays. He is such a happy little nihilist. Nancy wants to be a pot dealer and a good Mom, and it's starting to look like she can't be both.

Doug's candor is refreshing in a series where everybody is in denial about their hedonistic lifestyle. Andy may think the Iraq War is all about the oil, but he'll never put the doobie down so he can go out and pull the donkey lever.

Nealon's role has become more interesting with the recent introduction of a new cast member. I'm not too sure where they plan on going with Sullivan, the real estate developer, who is played by Matthew Modine. On the surface, there doesn't seem to be a lot that is going to distinguish him from Doug.

It was nice seeing Doug back in the saddle again. The enthusiasm that Doug brings to his city council job grounds him, and keeps him from becoming just a bitter boomer stoner. As Celia still has his seat, she makes an excellent foil for Doug.

Nealon is one of the strongest cast members, and it's nice to see he'll probably be getting more screen time with the sewage subplot. Whether or not Nealon makes Modine look redundant, or they play off each other like Niles and Frasier remains to be seen.

You scream, I steam, We all want Egg Cream

The weird thing about egg cream is that there are no eggs in it. It has milk, vanilla ice cream, Hershey's syrup, and carbonated water, but at no point in the making of it does an egg get anywhere near it. Well, the Alexandria, VA, version has ice cream, but the authentic New York version does not have any ice cream in it.

I read about egg creams in novels when I was a kid, and Lou Reed has referenced them in a song. I've waited twenty years to try one, and even the slightly thickened up southern version didn't disappoint. I can't wait to try the real thing the next time we are in New York or New Jersey.

In The Navy

Baltimore has a bad reputation, but Lisa and I can't get enough of the city. We wanted to go to the aquarium on the harborfront, but the line up outside the aquarium was huge, so we bought some tickets to the Baltimore Maritime Museum, and looked at some of the historic ships on display along the dock.

Our first stop was the USCGC Taney, a coast guard vessel that survived the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor. It was small, and uncomfortable. Next up was the USS Torsk, a submarine that saw action in World War II. It was small, uncomfortable, and very cramped. We also toured the Lightship Chespeake and the 7 Foot Knoll Lighthouse, both of which were small and uncomfortable, but not as cramped as the submarine.

We had lunch at Phillips Seafood, and we were lucky enough to beat the rush. After our lunch, we went on a tour of the USS Constellation, the only Civil War era ship still afloat. For such a big ship, it was surprisingly small, cramped, and uncomfortable on the inside.

It was a very educational trip. Until today, I had no idea how small, cramped, and uncomfortable naval ships could be, regardless of what size they are.

"Car!"

Street Hockey in the District - DC has a street hockey league of it's very own! I finally found out where I can get my fix. Unfortunately, it's too late to sign up for the fall season, but maybe I can play as an alternate or join in some pick up games. I was never interested in the sport until I had a lot of time on my hands last year in Winnipeg.

I joined a group of professors and grad students who played ball hockey at the Frank Kennedy Centre every Sunday evening. It was addictive, and it was easily the best sixty bucks I'd ever spent in Manitoba. I can't wait to get a new hockey stick and start smacking that ball around again.