The Adventures Of Badass Roland & His Friend Eddie, Who Is Also Really Cool

After a brief, uhm, 13 year hiatus, I've started reading The Dark Tower by Stephen King. After reading part three, I thought I'd had enough of King's epic. For some reason, the character known as "Jake" really bugged me. To paraphrase the esteemed film critic Peter Griffin, "He insists upon himself."

Fortunately, I've forgiven Stephen King for this Jar Jar Binks like transgression, and have resumed reading the saga. I've been reading Wizard and Glass, and it is hard to put down.

I think King should have called the series, The Adventures of Badass Roland and His Friend Eddie, Who Is Also Really Cool and they could go around and just have adventures, like killing mob bosses and hunting down Osama Bin Laden. Roland and Eddie could live in a mansion, and Susannah and Jake would work in their crime fighting lab, and we would only see them at the start or end of the novel.

Most of the stories would just be Roland and Eddie shooting bad guys. And oh, yeah, Oy should be a ninja robot. It would be even cooler if Oy was a ninja robot who could transform into a car. Then Roland and Eddie wouldn't have to walk, run, or ride horses.

Stephen King should hire me as his assistant writer. I could help him re-write his novels and make them really awesome!